I've been occasionally playing EV Nova since I got it licensed. For those of you who aren't familiar, it's a game that revolves around becoming a space pilot in sort of a galactic version of the wild west, where there are some major powers out there, but they're not really in control of much real estate, and you are a very small part in the grand scheme, with the potential to change the course of everything everywhere if you don't like food and sleep.

But you are a very, very small part.

When I was little, I imagined how space might get if people started getting aggressive about it just after we colonized the moon, with lots of random traffic going on between it and ol' Blue. Basically, it'd typically start with hostile boardings mid-flight, and zero-g thug fights in the defending craft at first, then guys start packing guns and knives, and then someone rigs up a rifle to the outside of their ship to shoot out a window and not have to deal with living occupants before boarding. Stuff like that - real hack solutions civilians and space gang types (Southwest hemisphere, representin'!) might dream up.

EV Nova takes that concept, and marries it (it is a prearranged marriage, with no say for you) to the kind of warfare you might find in Wing Commander, or Serenity. Giant carriers, capital ships armed to the teeth, lasers beams the size of refrigerators, guns so big that the ship has to include serious computer hardware and stabilizer jets to keep the ship on the right trajectory after the recoil - that kind of thing.

I know the concept of starting you off small to make the satisfaction of getting big 'n tough 'n stuff isn't a new one. After all, that's why your greatsword weilding berserker with full plate armor can't survive the rats old Mrs. MacReady wants you to tackle so she can get more of her precious jam for toast from the dread Cellar of no Return. Of course, rats don't play so well in the world of galactic conquest, so they took another route. The story goes, you do odd jobs, building up a little spendin' money, so you can brave the wonders of space in the first ship you personally christen -

The Tiny Metal Box In Space.

You'll have to christen it with a Coke bottle, because you'll be dropping all your vast cash monies into this thing.

Now, they don't actually tell you this, but I imagine the first part goes something like this:

-- Earth, sometime in the future --

'Hey, pal - you want somethin' from Reputable Pete's Used Ships?'
'Yeah, I'm looking to buy a ship.'
'Well... how much you got?'
'Ah, just 10k.'
'Ha! No seriously, what've you got? I've got a nice Starbridge what should keep a rookie like you from dyin' all at once.'
'Just the 10k. It's all I've got.'
'Ah, geez. Well - you sure you want to do this? I mean, you really want to fly in space without a ticket for coach?'
'I guess I wouldn't have bought this game if I hadn't.'
'Game? Eh what?'
'Um, yeah, I want to fly.'
'Ohh, 'kay. For 10 g's, I can get you a uh - (looking away) hey, Jessie!'
'Yea'boss!'
'You got one of those tiny metal boxes made up?'
'Almost done wi' one now boss!'
'Here's how it works, kid. For 6k, I can get you one'a Jessie's metal boxes. He welds good, he does, so you won't lose no air in that thing, prob'bly. Thing is, yuh'll have to get someone to put you, in yer ship, in their cargo bay, and then jettison you when they hit orbit. You'll need to hitch a ride to any planet you wan' teh land on, too.'
'You're serious?!'
'Hey now, Jessie's a good welder. We haven't heard a bad word about 'em from anybody what bought one after they took off. Never saw 'em agin, either. 'Course, if you want to actually maneuver, or any other such thing, you'll need to fork over 2k for an oxygen tank.'
'Oxygen...'
'Tank, yea. See, you get a tank, like what divers an' the old folks use, and you cut the hose an' redirect it 3 ways, then Jessie'll drill holes to th' outside and duct-tape em good 'n tight, see? Then, if you want to move, you pinch the hoses that don't point where you like, and turn on the air for a few. Oh - and if you start feelin' dizzy, you can unhook th' hose from the tank and turn it on 'til you feel better. Make sure to pinch th' hose fer that too, tho.'
'Ah, I see. I think.'
'Oh - and don't go movin' th' ship more'n you have to. See, there's only a few hours' worth of breathin' air in those tanks as is.'
'Maybe I should rethink this.'
'Now, if you don't want t'freeze, you'll need'n a scrap solar panel we can find somewheres fer another 2k. See, ya glue it on'ta th' ship's top, and make sure you point that right at the star fer the system, and it'll warm up, an' hopefully kick some of that heat into th' ship. You'll be wantin' a coat, anyways.'
'Right.'
'An' if'n you buy it from Pete's Used Ships t'day, fer no addition'l charge, I'll take m'sidearm here, and strap 'er to the' side of yer new home, and I'll rig up a wire trigger to th' inside. Put some duct tape to th' hole where the wire goes, an' when you want to kill somethin', you rip the duct tape off, 'n pull t'fire! There's six shots per clip, er per trip, if yeh see mah meanin'. Uses .22 ammo. Oh, an' put th' tape back. Yuh'll need yer air. That'll be cash 'er check?'

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See how it's tough? It wouldn't be quite so bad, except for a single thing - if you are forced to eject (supposing you got filthy rich and bought something to keep you alive when someone with a can opener and a complex comes along), then you're right back at Reputable Pete's, as a returning customer for one of Jessie's famous metal boxes.

Why am I playing this game, again?


Oh yeah. I want galactic power and prestige 'n stuff.